An open letter to the inventor of the twisty tie method of securing children’s toys

Posted by Gary on December 26, 2006

Dear Inventor of the Twisty Tie Method of Securing Children’s Toys:

As a father of five young children, I am writing this Christmas to tell you (whoever you are) that I don’t like you very much. I haven’t liked you for some time but have not bothered to write until this year when my frustration reached a culminated level that warrants venting. Can I ask you Mr. Twisty Tie Man, why you ever thought of your excessive, frustrating and honestly, unneeded method of securing children’s toys in their box?

I could never estimate how many of your twisty ties I have untwisted since the birth of my first two children (twins). I know that the set of 150 emergency workers and vehicles that my mother-in-law purchased my son some years ago was enough by that one experience to almost drive me mad and cause me to dislike you greatly. Why sir, did you feel it necessary to twisty tie down almost every man who was only two inches tall? Why do you run the twisty ties around and around the wheels of the vehicle? Further, why do you feel it necessary to then place a wide piece of tape over your twisty ties on the underside of the cardboard? Are you fearful of a nuclear explosion dislodging the toy from the box? Don’t you know that if there is a nuclear explosion we will either not be here to buy toys or that if we survive, buying toys will not be a priority?

I do not begrudge you a twisty tie or two to deter shoplifters, but eight? ten? The goal is to deter shoplifters, not to keep the child from ever being able to enjoy the toy, which is likely to happen when a frustrated father throws it into the trash more willing to bear the crying of his child then to deal any further with your twisty ties. Why sir could you not use a twisty tie that is easily cut with a pair of scissors? Why have you chosen to use industrial strength twisty ties that cannot be cut without using a utility knife and likely severing a finger? You’ve secured the toy for shipping and deterred shoplifters wonderful, but must you on top of that make it difficult for me to get the toy out quickly? Could you not use a twisty tie that I could snip with scissors so that I could move on to the thirty other toys that await me which also have eight to ten twisty ties on them?

I am led to believe Mr. Twisty Tie man that you must have had a very unfortunate childhood or that you have suffered some other form of trauma and mistreatment in your life that has led you into an unfortunate desire to make other people’s lives miserable. Do you find joy in knowing that tens of millions of parents are plunged into frustration and anger on Christmas morning because of your method? You have a sick sense of humor. How you prevailed upon toy manufacturers to adopt your method is a marvel. You must all be very unhappy people.

I go to bed knowing that my letter will make no difference. You have known how frustrating your method is for years and have done nothing to make things easier for parents. But I will sleep a little better tonight having finally told you what I think about your twisty ties. Never forget, what goes around, comes around.

Comments

5 Responses to “An open letter to the inventor of the twisty tie method of securing children’s toys”

1. Bill says:

   December 26, 2006 at 5:53 pm

   Gary,

   I am at work trying to do on-air traffic reports and having trouble…because I am laughing so hard. I can picture you Christmas morning as you blood boils taking off twisty ties. I too…have several finger/hand injuries from the twisty ties.

   I was wondering who makes these things? Who was sitting in a room one day and said, “You know, I think I’ll open a factory and make twisty ties.” I wish I had thought of it. I think you’re right…Mr. Twisty Tie has a sick sense of humor…and he’s laughing all the way to the bank.

   Hope you guys had a great Christmas!
2. geri rihacek says:

   January 2, 2007 at 11:57 am

   gary my comment went on the wrong blog thing…I think it went under continuous play,,,
3. geri rihacek says:

   January 2, 2007 at 12:14 pm

   Gary loved your article…made me remember swing sets that the store said would be up in 30 mins, (3 days later)the bikes you could have had assembled for 10.00 and wish you had!!!I have had a few words with mr, twisty ties myself..Always loved your sense of humor…I could just picture you on christmas day…Thank you Lord!!!!
4. Twisty Tie Inventor says:

   October 7, 2009 at 9:53 am

   buy a utility knife, genius.
5. Bill says:

   October 10, 2009 at 11:58 am

   I would have never thought in a million years the great inventor of the world changing twisty tie would be so obtuse.